Thursday Tell All-Saint Louis

Many of you know that we adopted our daughter. She is now in College and has been interested in finding her Birth Mother. Our trip to Saint Louis was to meet her Birth Mother.

We had been talking with the adoption agency on the first meeting. What kind of meeting should it be and where should it take place? Meetings can be stressful for all parties. Having a venue that is a neutral place is a must. Planning activities that make it less stressful and providing some intimate time is important for all.

Meeting in Saint Louis turned out to be a great venue. We met at an ice stating rink in a park first that allowed some intimate time with some activity to allow for some laughter and plenty of room to have space. We met early enough that there where not too many people around.

After the initial meeting we went to the arch. There we had some time to talk as we walked in the park. Everyone seemed to have some alone time still with family support around. I had time to talked with her as well. So Many things go through ones mind at this time. What should we share and how much is appropriate. I think by this time I felt a little at ease to share with her.

We went out to dinner and talked with her kids. I really enjoyed talking with them. Learning a little about their views on things. At the end of the day we all went back to our different Hotels, giving us time to process the first meeting.

First meetings are always the hardest. The unknown causes all kinds of fears as well as different thoughts. If one can make it past the first meeting then the ease of the fears seems to be controlled. One starts to see things and understand more about the initial  beginning. We did not have an open adoption, therefore did not know a lot of the situation of the Birth mother.

We did tell our daughter all we knew. Always letting her know we love her and always will. Also telling her that the Birth Mother loved her also. It is so important to tell the children early during their life, that way they have a happier view of things. This came true when she finally met her Birth Mother and learned that she did love her and always thought of her. Now we could tell her these things because we did have a few letters that stated her love of the child. If one has that knowledge, telling the child is okay. However If one does not, it would not be good to tell the child of the BM love. Because it might not be true and could cause problems with trust later.

Over all the meeting had it's emotional times but, it did go well. I think the emotions are expected this is a new chapter in all our lives. Children growing up and learning about their beginning in the world can be stressful and frightening. We all have those needs whether you are adopted or not. Don't we all ask questions of our parents as we get older?  This is a process of wisdom and moving on.

I hope for you is that this will help one understand that life has its chapters and we must get though them. That way we can mature and become a better person, allowing us to be able to share and become wiser.