Adoption is hard at first, just trying to adopt is not easy. We had our disappointment in the process. Once one gets though the heartaches and the little one is placed in your arms, all the heartaches go away. The next years are a blessing and we are over joyed with love. At a point we forget she is adopted and look at her as our own. Raise her to be a fine young person and send her off the college.
Never thinking she would start a search for the birth mother so soon. In today's technology it is very easy to do. Not sure how I feel about the Birth Mother and her family meeting our daughter at this early time frame. A part of the child will be with them and was with them forever. Words are shared that are hard to handle for the Adopting family. Calling the families children her brother and sister, implying a family unit. This is very hard to understand, therefore cause this feeling of loosing a part of her. As an adopted parent I have mixed feeling. Respecting the Birth mother for her sacrifice and trying to stay neutral in all of this process.
It is hard for people to understand the adopted parents view, sometimes. We have a desire to see our child happy and safe. We have seen in our own family, reunions go bad and turn what should be a happy time into a nightmare. Changing the Lives of everyone forever. We know this reunion will take place and will totally support it. We Love our child greatly, but the fear of the unknown sometimes is overwhelming. Getting to know a person takes time. Moving too fast can cause emotions on all sides to flare up. Ending in a not so favorable situation in both the adopted and birth parents life. This is the second hardest thing in our life. Feel like I am walking on fire and ice. I believe all the folks around her are trying to guide her in this situation, however she just can not heed their advice.
Was the adoption worth all this? Yes, Without the Child in our life, we would be a different person. The child would be a different person. This whole thing has affected me greatly, I am told by the child it shouldn't affect me at all. Why can't she see that I am part of her. Even though I did not give birth to her we raising her from a baby. She became part of us in heart and mind. At times I wanted to hold her so tight she would adsorb into me. Letting a child leave a go out on their own at eighteen is hard enough for a family. The loneliness is hard. Yes dear I am affected by your decisions, even if you do not think I am.
Trying to find a support group to help me handling this phase of life. It is the holiday time and I just want to do nothing, to just not give anything out to family. Just roll up in a ball and hide away. That is my inter feeling. Need more time to process all of this. Trying to handle whats down the line in Life.
With a husband and father all not in good health. A daughter meeting her Birth Mother. The job market closing down and the stress of what should be a good season, I am on a downward slope.
Remembering my teen years and some of the choices I made, makes me realize life could be spinning out of control for my daughter also. If one can just wait a little things can work out better. When we try to fix thing ourselves it just makes thing harder. I am counting on the Lords help with this issue and praying for his Holy Spirit to give the knowledge and guidance we need. Let us take a deep breathe and listen in the quietness of our thoughts.